Baby On The Brain
by Piper Whitlock
Summary: Jasper and Alice are both human, and they just found out that Alice is pregant. Read and find out what happens when Jasper has a case of baby-on-the-brain. Things go a little nutty. A Jasper and Alice comedy mostly.
1. Finding Out

**Ch. 1 Finding Out**

It was 8:30 in the morning and Alice Cullen Whitlock was asleep on the

bathroom floor. Waking up, Jasper climbed worriedly out of bed looking for his missing

wife. Throwing on his jeans, he headed down the hall toward the open bathroom door

where a light was on.

" _Alice! Alice wake up. Are you alright?_ " he asked, shaking her softly.

Groaning, her eyes fluttered open.

" _Sorry Jazz. I got sick to my stomach again._ " she answered, but as she moved

to stand her stomach started twisting and she lurched over the toilet.

"_ Thats it. When I get home from work your going to a doctor. _" Jasper said,

holding her hair out of her face. To exhausted to argue she just nodded. Scooping her up

off the floor he carried her to the couch, gave her a glass of water, and covered her with

a warm blanket.

" _Thanks Jasper, I love you. _" She smiled, as he kneeled beside her.

"_ I love you too, Alice. _" He whispered, kissing her forehead. Just as he started

to walk away Alice made a small strange noise; kind of like a gasp, and he stopped and

turned around. "_ Are you alright? _ " he asked, worriedly.

"_ I was just wondering...What would you...how would you feel...if the reason_

_i've been sick...was because...I was pregnant? _ " She asked, nervously fumbling over the words.

For a moment he was quiet, and looked kind of like an owl with its huge eyes and never

blinking stare. Half expecting him to say ' hoot, hoot ' Alice wanted to laugh, but kept her

expression serious. Finally he said something.

" _Do you think you are?_ " was the only thing he came up with after almost five

minutes of thinking.

" _I'm not sure, but its a good possibility. I'm late. _" She answered with a grin. A

moment later his expression changed, and he finally registered what she was saying.

" _I...uh..I mean...we...you...us...we're ...uh...we might be...parents?_ " He

stammered.

" _We might be, yes. You aren't mad are you? _ " she asked biting her bottom lip.

For a moment he just stared at her, then he started laughing.

" _Are you crazy?_ " He smiled brightly.

" _No, but I think you might be._ " she laughed.

" _Why would I be mad? I'd love to be a father, and you would make such a good_

_mother! _ " Jasper rambled excitedly. " _You know what? I'll skip work today, and we'll move your_

_appointment up and go in early! _ "

" _Woah there cowboy! I realize your excited, but there is no need to change the schedule. _

_Go to work, we'll find out soon enough. _" She laughed, kissing him when he made a pouty face

like a five year old.

" _Fine._ " He said with an over exaggerated sigh, making her laugh again.

**(Dr's Office)**

" _Congratulations Mrs. Whitlock! Its positive, you are pregnant!_ " Dr. Cobalt said

with a smile, as he showed her the results. " _You are seven weeks now, come back in three and we'll_

_let you hear the heartbeat. _"

Looking at Jasper, Alice and the Dr. started laughing.

" _Jazz, you going to be ok? _ " Alice asked, as she got up off the exam table.

" _I'm extatic, why? _ " Jasper asked, after he realized she'd said something.

" _Because you were making the strangest face! Almost like a kid who's _

_horrified of clowns but finds them strangely amusing at the same time. _"

**( In The Nursery)**

" _Um Jazz? Isn't this a little over kill? We've only known about the baby for a few _

_weeks and you've already gotten everything we need for the nursery. _" Alice said looking around their

old spare bedroom that was now painted yellow and turned into a nursery. It contained a

rocking chair, changing table, dresser, and a big box containing the peices to the crib they

just recently bought.

" _Hey, it never hurts to be prepared. _" he defended.

" _Jazz, I still have six months till im due. Besides even after the baby is born, it will _

_sleep in the bassinet in our room for the first few months. _" Alice said smiling at his enthusiasm.

" _So I was wondering if we should go to birthing classes._ " Jasper asked, as he began

opening the box the crib was in.

"_ Isn't it a bit early for that? Maybe when im six months we can discuss that. How _

_about we start with baby care classes. We can start those anytime. _" she said taking a seat in the

rocking chair.

" _Alright, I'll go call and schedule us for the next class._ " He said standing up.

' This should be funny! ' Alice thought quietly to herself.

To Be Continued...

**Thanks for reading so far. Sorry I took longer than planned to get this up, some **

**things came up. Let me know what you think so far, ideas and even critisim are a**

**help. Im taking ideas for the baby's name. Should the baby be a girl or boy? Im **

**letting the readers decide so you have to tell me. Review Review Review please!**


	2. Baby Classes

Chapter 2: Baby Classes

"Now it's backwards. Jazz, it's just a diaper, it's not that complicated. You have already put it on inside out and backwards the only way you haven't tried is the right way." Alice said smacking Jasper in the arm softly. The two of them were at their first baby care lesson and Jasper still had a lot to learn. Good thing they started classes early. They had already covered the proper way to hold a baby which Jasper did pretty well but that was about the only thing he had gotten right so far. Now they were working on proper diaper techniques and were learning bottle preparation next.

"Well, if this mechanical baby would be quiet I could concentrate. It's wailing is enough to give you a headache!" He pouted handing Alice the baby doll, who quickly put the diaper on the way its supposed to go.

"Our next lesson is bottles." The instructer said handing everyone an empty bottle and an instruction sheet. Thankfully Jasper had less trouble with this lesson and managed to prepare his bottle in only two trys. The first time he had made the formula too thick and it wouldn't come out of the bottle. His newest problem was this time he had made the bottle correctly but had gotten it too hot.

"Ouch!" He had yelped when he tested his bottle on his arm. Playing hot potato with it, he dropped it square on his big toe.

"Problems Jazz?" Alice laughed.

"Oh Ha Ha! You find this very funny don't you?" He said sarcastically as he picked his bottle up off the floor. Setting it down on the table he let out an annoyed snort and sat down in one of the chairs with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Come on Jasper lighten up. This is supposed to be a fun learning experience." She told him as she planted the baby doll in his lap. "Remember daddy, baby loves you." She said poking fun, trying to stifle another laugh.

"Oh it's a fun learning experience alright, your just having a good ole time over there aren't you Chuckles?" He said sticking his tongue out at her.

"Ok everybody, your going to take your babies home with you for two weeks and your going to treat them just like they were your real babies. When you come back you are going to take an exam on everything you've learned so far including writing a short essay on what your learned through your experiences at home. Class dismissed." The instructer said signaling the end of class. Careful not to make it cry, Jasper wrapped a blanket around the baby, stuck a binky in its mouth, and set it in the carrier they had recently bought. Somewhere along the way from the classroom to the parking lot he had regained most of his enthusiasm.

"I can't wait to see the first ultra-sound of our baby in a few weeks." He said resting his hands on Alice's tiny baby bump where she was just barely starting to show. Smiling she agreed and rested her hands on top of his. Kissing her softly he reluctantly dropped his hands and began strapping the baby carrier, with the doll-baby in it, into the backseat of their black Explorer.


End file.
